Early Life Stages that Made Us Hate Our Jobs

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Why do we hate our jobs? A now tired question but has not been fully answered. And that’s maybe because our negative relationship with our job is not the actual problem. It’s just a symptom of something more underlying. Maybe we need to go back further to better understand why we are where we are right now.

The reasons could be systemic and the issues involved could be much more complex than just not knowing what our passion is. It could be how we were raised as kids, what kind of training we received from our schools, or what kind of culture we were surrounded with growing up. Not everyone had the same childhood or path growing up. However, below are some general life stages that could’ve contributed to our confusion, frustrations, and perceived hatred toward our present job.

Early Childhood to Early Adolescence

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Early on in life, we are introduced to our future box. Much like subconsciously implying that somehow at some point, we are going to be portraying a pre-determined role in society. As impressionable little creatures who want to amuse our parents, we indulge them and say “a lawyer!”, “a doctor!”, or maybe “a police officer!”. Our parents, with their overjoyed hearts, clap earnestly in approval. Everything after that is a string of efforts to make it happen.

Our outdated education system.

Stage 1 is then reinforced by an outdated education system created more than a hundred years ago originally to mass produce industrial workers. In this environment, we are to accept concepts without challenging them, embrace curricula without question, and memorize answers to pass exams. Above all, we are to conform with rules that only serve the very institution reducing our formative years into days of repetition of one-size-fits-all tasks not aimed at making us mavericks, innovators, and original.

At homes growing up.

The everyday rigid structures of schools are then supported by our home environment. We are given rewards for bringing home good grades and honors, but not when we discover new talents or interests. We are applauded for reciting a memorized poem but receive lackluster appreciation for our own composition. Speaking our minds is equivalent to talking back, challenging the status quo is dismissed as being naive or too ideal, and curiosity and wonder are regarded as a phase we’ll soon outgrow. Our family preaches conventional social standards of success, how previous generations have tried and tested guaranteed ways to be ahead in life, and how our future can only be secured by continuing the cycle. 

Adolescence to Early Adulthood.

College.

Despite not being of legal age yet to vote or get married, our society thinks we’re now qualified to choose a life path. After 12 years of not having to decide, we now have to decide. An expensive decision at that – worth 4 to 8 years of our lives and thousands upon thousands worth of student loans. 

Or

For some of us, we do not have that much choice. Our college degree is dictated by what would appease our parents, or what’s best for the family business, or what can continue the family tradition.

Into the jungle. 

And after so many years of being in a familiar institution, we’re now uprooting ourselves and heading out to a new territory. One that’s going to test and pay for real-life skills. But what do they mean by real-life skills, and do we have them? With all that prep behind us, we wonder if we’re ready. Some of us are stoked, eager to prove ourselves and be successful. Some are scared, some wake up from a long deep sleep and reflect whether they’re on the right path, and some are just going through the motions. 

Adulting 101.

We’re on our own – running our household, managing our finances, and dealing with all the consequences of our every decision. Life starts to reveal the weaknesses of our training but we are the ones in charge now. Our adulting stage becomes the real-life school – it’s a crash course. We are processing our past, present, and future all at once. Compressing all complex things into our short days to stay on track. We juggle work, family, relationships, personal needs, and everything in between in a fast pace environment. We barely sleep, we look like zombies, but we’re highly functional. We look forward to our rest days, escape on vacations, and live for temporary highs.

The burnout.

A few years into it and we’re tired. We ask, now what? Is this all there is to life? We’ve invested so many years of our life into what we currently have that it feels wrong to start over. After all, starting over could mean getting behind. Our present is what our family envisioned for us, what our society approves, and what the previous eras swear by to have worked. When our entire family’s savings were spent on our education so we could have the career we have now, how do we say we need time to rethink everything? How do we tell three generations of lawyers that we had a change of heart? Or how can we ever walk away from corporate jobs when it’s the only thing we think we can do? We’re confused and we feel trapped. Our childhood training makes us feel equipped and limited at the same time, structured but rebellious, privileged but chained.  

Present Time.

Our job is now on the receiving end of all our confusion, frustrations, and pent-up energy. Our job becomes a reminder of all the contradictions. It’s a dream job that now looks like a nightmare. A once bright future that these days drives us into a dark place. And the promised stability that constantly shakes us. The world is so big and social media serves as our window to all these seeming possibilities. We compare ourselves with others but end up losing on all fronts. At the end of it all, we go back to our dull job. It must be the problem. Or is it really?

There may be nothing wrong with our jobs. And nothing wrong with us either feeling the way we feel. It perhaps all boils down to understanding our past, acknowledging its flaws, recognizing how these impacted who and what we are in the present, and doing something about it. Accepting that we cannot change the past is one way to move forward successfully. Knowing what went wrong gives us insights into potential resolutions. We cannot continue thinking that things merely happen to us. And so we need to be brave and break this cycle.

We can start with ourselves. We need to figure out what we want to do with our present and future, act on it, and own it. Then be responsible for the kind of training we provide to our kids. It could be by choosing a school that allows them to wonder, ask questions, and be treated as unique individuals with unique learning styles and needs. Or by breaking the cycle in our own homes – supporting hobbies and interests, allowing kids to explore, and facilitating respectful and insightful discussions. We can break the cycle in our societies too – by advocating for change in the education system, or establishing schools promoting non-traditional teaching methods. If we are educators, we can influence new designs in curricula, or recommend new courses and disciplines. As company owners, maybe we can start hiring candidates not solely based on college degrees but on technical courses that are more appropriate for our business needs. There’s a lot we can do that it probably needs a full article dedicated to it. It’s also not a bad idea to provide support to each other by being good allies.

Thanks for reading. And again, everyone’s welcome to share their thoughts and opinions below. Until our next step toward work positivity.

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