How to Handle Feedback and Constructive Criticisms

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It can be difficult to handle feedback or constructive criticisms. They sting. Especially when you’re doing your best and quite proud of your work. It’s easy to feel unappreciated or worse, personally attacked. However, feedback is part of our norm – may it be in school, at work, in relationships, or in life in general.

The way to effectively handle feedback is to first isolate “the feedback” as a completely stand-alone entity detached from your persona. Once you have removed yourself from the equation, at least initially, the resistance will go away. You will suddenly become more open, objective, collaborative, and willing to see how things can be improved.

Let me break things down. Here are my suggested steps on how to effectively handle feedback or constructive criticisms, at work or in life in general.

Get. Over. Yourself.

I know that sounds harsh. However, ego is the number one killer of any potential to improve through constructive criticisms. Ego distorts the actual intent of any feedback, introduces unnecessary emotions, and it creates drama. This is applicable from the proudest to the most sensitive people. The proud won’t take feedback because they think they’re too good, they’ve been doing their work their whole life, and no one has ever pointed out anything wrong. The most sensitive ones, on the other hand, will just fade away from the conversation to allow self-pity and bury themselves in insecurities, inferiority, and a sense of failure. None of these are helpful. The truth of the matter is, it’s not even really about you. This brings up my next point.

Realign with the purpose you serve.

It’s actually about the purpose you serve. What’s the purpose of your role? Why does your job exist? What are the goals connected to what you do? Why are you there in the first place? That feedback is not about you, it’s about the purpose you’re supposed to serve. Even if you think you’re doing fantastic, if that is not translating into the desired outcome, then you are not serving your purpose. You are part of something bigger where everyone contributes and adds value to reach common objectives. Do not focus the spotlight on yourself. Zoom out and see where you fit in the bigger picture and what kind of impact you’re supposed to create. Then go back to the drawing board and use that feedback to reconnect with that purpose and actually produce an outcome that brings everyone closer to the common goal.

Don’t hate the messenger. 

It’s also not about the person giving the feedback. I’ve been in the messenger position too many times that I can tell you, it’s not the most wonderful position to be in. We all love bringing good news. And so naturally, no one likes bringing the opposite. Unless you’re working with a narcissist who enjoys traumatizing people – then that becomes an HR topic. Generally speaking though, people who provide constructive feedback also have a hard time. However, they have a purpose to serve too – do not forget about this. So to make things easier for both of you, just stay within the topic, be objective, collaborate, and try to see things from each other’s perspectives. 

“…people who provide constructive feedback also have a hard time, and they have a purpose to serve too…”

Get this: It’s paid learning.

Learning in itself is a privilege. But learning while getting paid? That’s golden! You make mistakes, they call you out, you listen, you improve and hone your skills – while being on their payroll! And you can actually bring those skills anywhere in your life? How awesome is that?

Focus on the facts. 

So this is where it really starts. You listen, you ask as many questions as you can, and you take all the facts so you can answer the following questions:

What is the feedback all about?

• This is where you define the problem. 

Why is it a feedback in the first place?

• Define the gap.

Why is it a gap?

• Clarify the expectation.

What caused the gap?

• Identify the reason for the breakdown. Was it a process weakness? A lapse in judgment? Maybe it was a system limitation? Most of the time, it’s not even you who directly caused the issue. This is the best time to clarify this.

What and how to improve?

• Create an action plan. List down the steps necessary to improve, set targets, decide on the timelines, identify the resources, be honest with the support you’ll need, and then commit to it.

How to avoid this from happening again?

• Create a preventive plan. See how the processes can be improved, how technology issues could be addressed, what types of training need to be in place. Move toward the direction that the feedback won’t only benefit you but the rest of the team too.

Why is this important?

• Be clear on the wider impact. What are the common objectives, and how are you expected to contribute or add value. What are the long-term success indicators and how can you positively impact that. 

Allow a moment to be human.

It’s normal to feel bad after a feedback session. Allow yourself to be human. Take some time to process everything, reaffirm your value, acknowledge your other strengths, and take it as a good challenge. Connect to trusted people or a mentor, release your steam if you need to, and then get back there – like a pro.

Take accountability.

Give yourself some tough love too if needed. Be honest with yourself and admit the lapses. Being in denial just prolongs your learning curve. Additionally, reconcile whatever internal conflicts you have because sometimes, the root cause of the problem may be related to personal issues, domestic circumstances, relationships, lifestyle preferences, and other things outside of the workplace. Taking accountability is your best first step toward improvement because a problem can only be addressed when it is acknowledged as indeed a problem.

Take action.

This is the point where you put everything in action. Be clear on what you want to achieve, commit to it, and build systematic processes to make it happen. Apply your action plan, monitor your own performance, constantly reconnect with your purpose, and if you like, you can even go the extra mile. You’ll be surprised how good this feels.

Critique yourself.

We can normalize something we dread by incorporating it slowly into our routines. Why hate it if you’re doing it yourself, right? So, critique yourself – in a healthy way. Don’t nag yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself. Only objectively compare your performance against the expectation and how else you could improve to be more valuable.

Transcend.

Feedback won’t even bother you if you’re past that stage. If you’re already in a place where you proactively think about how else to contribute and add value, then you’re mature enough to not even see constructive criticism as something that antagonizes you. 

Give feedback.

Turn the tables. Being on the other side of the fence is probably one of the best approaches in life to holistically understand something. Growing up, you may not have fully understood why your parents were the way they were. Once you have your own kids, you just suddenly ‘get it‘ like a miracle. You complain about the customer service at every restaurant you visit but the moment you wait tables, or take orders or work in the kitchen, you automatically develop empathy and know better. This is the same for feedback. Try to switch positions. Be that person who needs to bring the criticisms. How does it feel? What were your expectations coming in? What was going on in your head? Try doing this with the most defensive, difficult person on the team. Then reflect.

Exploit it.

Turn these actionable items into new skills and then let things snowball. Treat them like patches of machine upgrades. Five to ten years down the road, that person who gave you feedback won’t even remember you. But the lesson you take from those moments could stay with you for a lifetime. Use critiques as stepping blocks. Take advantage of them like crazy. And before your know it, you’re the one proactively seeking feedback. You’re hungry for it and that’s because you know its value.

Do not allow disrespectful treatment.

It doesn’t mean you’re just going to take it. There are boundaries so set these straight right from the start. Being open to feedback does not mean being okay to be verbally abused. Even passive-aggressive or subtle bullying is unacceptable. It also doesn’t mean you can’t argue if you think it was a misunderstanding, or if it really isn’t legitimate feedback, to begin with. In doing so, remain professional, stay factual, provide proof such as statistics, data, other people’s positive feedback, or anything at all that brings light to the situation. Being objective is two-way. Do not allow bad treatment. We learn when we are in a safe, supportive, and inclusive environment. 

In conclusion, valid feedback coming from a place of good intent should be given a chance. Taking feedback or constructive criticisms is an integral part of your constant learning and improvement. Any one of us is subject to it one way or another so do not think it’s just you. Find strength in numbers. Also, success can never be achieved by being in a bubble. We need to let others in and help us reach it. Interested to find out other reasons you may not be succeeding? Feel free to check out my other post Why You Are Not Successful in Career or Life.

Thank you so much for your time, allies. I hope this helps you become more comfortable in receiving constructive feedback. And speaking of feedback, I’d like to hear from you. Let me know below or contact me if you have any questions or suggestions for improvement. See you around!

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