Why You Are Stressed at Work (or in Life)

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You are stressed at work but you’re not entirely sure why. You’re in a constant state of worry and it lingers because you either don’t want to take action or simply do not know how to. Now workplace stress can be good because it lets you know there’s something that needs your attention, and it also means you’re taking something seriously. It’s not good though when it’s chronic and starts to get in the way of a happy, productive, and healthy life.

Stress is the feeling of being overwhelmed or unable to cope with mental or emotional pressure. However, being stressed is only a symptom and not the real problem. So to address your stress, you need to get to the bottom of it. Typically, stress is caused by a lack of control in certain situations, discrepancy between expectation and your actual available resources to meet it, unresolved conflicts, fears, and problematic mindsets. 

I’ll take you through all of them in more detail.

Lack of control.

It’s human nature to want to have some sense of control in every situation they’re in. This is why we love staying in our comfort zones or why we like structures, routines, and fixed schedules. This is also why we generally do not enjoy being at job interviews or being put on the spot because in these situations – it’s mostly not us driving the flow. Heck, we don’t even appreciate unexpected visitors at home! 

So how much control do you think you have at work? Check your schedule, workload, deadlines, scope, decision-making opportunities, interactions, etc. Do you have autonomy or you’re mostly thrown in situations that you’re not particularly equipped to handle? Are you at the receiving end of everyone’s beck and call not knowing who’s direction to take anymore, or how to accommodate all requests, or how to tell them you’re overwhelmed? Are you spread too thin managing a team of 50 people half of them acting up, systems not working, with broken processes in place, and no support in sight from HR or leadership?

These are easily those situations that you only survive but not thrive in. And that’s due to lack of control. It’s these external variables that get to decide how your day is going to look like. One indicator of things being out of control is when you firefight day in and day out. It’s a reactive approach because there’s nothing that prevents the fire. This is exhausting and stressful. The solution here is to start bringing things to a point where it’s predictable so that it’s manageable. Sounds easier than done but not impossible. Otherwise, you probably need to start exploring your options.

Discrepancy between the expectation and the actual resources you have to meet it.

It’s when you do not have enough resources to meet a certain expectation. An example would be when the expectation is to close a sale but your resource (let’s say your sales skills) is, you think, not enough to even get anyone’s attention. Or when the expectation is to do overtime every day but your energy is depleting. Or the most classic which is to meet a certain deadline but you just don’t have the time. You get the point here. And there are several ways to approach this. You can either manage the expectations, manage the resources or learn how to negotiate.

Unresolved conflicts.

At work, you could be trying to please your boss by doing something that’s against your values. Or you’re maybe staying in a job you hate because it pays well. Zooming out, you could be in a career you don’t practically love but it’s your way to get your family’s approval. These conflicts at first may not pose serious problems but they become stressful over time because they constantly nag you. It’s also human nature to have a moral compass and to want to be happy. These intrinsic desires won’t just magically go away. Things nag you when they’re fundamentally in conflict with your desires and non-negotiables. Also, they only constantly nag you when they are unresolved. It’s like trying to get back to sleep when you know you need to pee. You’re lazy to get up but you know it’s the only way to end the misery. So get up by acknowledging there’s conflict and actually resolving it. 

The Spotlight Effect.

The Spotlight Effect is our “tendency to overestimate how much other people notice about us. In other words, we tend to think there is a spotlight on us at all times, highlighting all of our mistakes or flaws, for all the world to see.”

verywellmind.com

In your life, you are your own protagonist, the lead character, and the center of existence. This amplifies the amount of attention you think you get. For people who have social anxiety, it’s much worse. This is why in group settings, you probably dread asking questions, making mistakes, or behaving differently. You don’t want to stand out because that’s like adding 100 more spotlights on you. This aggravates your stress levels but very unnecessarily so because the truth of the matter is, it’s just your perception. Everybody else has their own spotlight on them so that means they pay more attention to themselves than to anyone else – including you. No one actually cares that much. And in every gaffe or boo boo, the person who’s last to move on is always the person who made it. The sooner you realize about the Spotlight Effect, the more comfortable you’d be focusing on things that really matter – and that’s not other people’s opinion of you. It’s your goals, your progress, and the purpose you serve at work.

Your job has become your source of identity, validation, and self-worth.

You’re maybe stressed because your main motivation for working hard is to get everyone’s approval and validation – yet you’re not getting it. Or the reception is a bit lukewarm than what you have anticipated. This is perhaps the other side of the spotlight effect. Where instead of you exaggerating your mistakes and shortcomings, you’re inflating your contributions and impact. Ego is a dangerous thing to bring to any workplace. Not only that other people’s appreciation is too external that’s out of your control, but it’s also not an authentic source of intent. Instead, focus on how to best serve your purpose at work, how to develop your skills and competencies, and how to be a sincerely good person in the workplace – with or without recognition. As always said here, your job is a tool. It’s supposed to serve you and not the other way around. The moment it defines you, it limits you. So take it easy. You are so much more than your job.

Fears, threats, and constant exposure to triggers.

I know content moderators who are chronically stressed because their job is to review disturbing, violent, and graphic contents day in and day out. And they carry their stress to their homes and personal lives. Try to review your day and determine if there’s a specific time, person or situation that triggers your stress. It could be some passive discrimination or subtle bullying at work, or maybe you conflict with someone. Or you could be in an environment that mimics a previous traumatic experience. Also, is there constant fear to lose your job? These could be threats and triggers you do not realize that you get exposed to daily. As hard as it may seem, these issues need to be tackled, at least one at a time. It’s a good way to start planning for a fallback. Or to address underlying issues you may have. Seek help, involve your most trusted people, and activate your support system.

Or your mind is just cluttered.

Take a moment to pause and rest your brains. A laptop can get stressed out too when there are like a gazillion browser tabs open. You probably think you have two thousand tasks you need to finish but in reality, they’re just 10 activities waiting to get organized. And this is where I always like to say that in most cases, having effective habits and systems around work is more important than the actual goals. That is because when your day is designed efficiently, your mind is much more at peace. And the goals just take care of themselves because you’ve implemented intelligent strategies to make them happen naturally. So take a deep breath, reflect and start decluttering your mind. Maybe grab a pen and a sheet of paper and start writing down the things that you need to accomplish (or the things that bother you). Create your action plan, set your timelines, and actually do it.

I hope this kicks off your journey toward determining the actual root cause of your stress, resolving it once and for all, and living a less stressful job (and life). Thank you so much if you made it all the way here. Let me know what you think in the comments section. And as usual, thank you for being an ally.

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